雅思大作文高分范文——幼儿园好还是家人好

　　雅思大作文高分范文——幼儿园好还是家人好，在雅思大作文中儿童是比较常见的话题，所以遇到这样的话题，要怎么样写才是最正确的呢?下面是网站ieltsadvantage范文及评语，大家可以学习参考一下，看看到底要怎么样写呢?

　　雅思大作文高分范文——幼儿园好还是家人好

　　题目：Some parents think that childcare centres provide the best services for children of pre-school age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better carers for their kids. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

　　考官评语: 充分回应了写作任务，提出了切题的观点并对观点进行了拓展和支撑。行文流畅连贯，连接方式自然。分段恰当，段间关系紧凑。词汇丰富准确。语法丰富，完全无错。

　　范文：274words，原网站评分9.

　　Some argue that when parents are at work, close relations provide the best care to young children, while others believe day care centres offer a better service. It is agreed that while some relatives take care of youngsters extremely well, childcare professionals offer a better overall service. This essay will first discuss the merits of family members looking after ‘pre-schoolers’, secondly, an analysis of childcare centres’ services, followed by a reasoned conclusion.

　　解读：开头段任务回应充分，但个人觉得篇幅过长，出现了词汇重复，应简化。值得学习的是改述方式和话题词汇的替换表达，例如，第一句调换了题中两种观点的出现顺序;题中的family members被替换为colse relations和some relatives , carers替换为provide the best care和take care of，题中的childcare centres被替换为day care centres和childcare professionals，children被替换为youngsters和pre-schoolers.

　　Many parents in full-time employment prefer to leave their young ones with grandparents and siblings when they are at work. This is often a trust issue, as the parents feel their child will be safer with someone from within the family nucleus. For example, a recent study showed that 62% of working mothers prefer a member of the immediate family to provide care when they are working. However, most kin are not trained childcare professionals and may not have the skills required to fully nurture a child.

　　解读：第一句呼应开头段观点句的预告，说明为什么工作的父母托家人照顾孩子。第二句解释原因。第三句举例。第四句承上启下。在连接方式方面，使用了代词、语篇标记，很自然。词汇方面，对题中的关键词进行了更丰富的替换，既体现了词汇丰富性又充分回应了题目，如working parents= parents in full-time employment = at work = are working，family members= grandparents and siblings = family nucleus = a member of the immediate family = kin，children = young ones， carers = provide care = nurture a child. 在论述方式方面，当论述已经较为充分，但篇幅似乎欠缺时，可以写一个类似这个段落最后一句的句子，承上启下，在确保篇幅的同时提升CC。

　　Daycare centres may be a better option due to the fact that most of their staff are highly skilled professionals. Many of their staff are highly trained and have diplomas in child development. For instance, if you want a job in a Montessori school, they will insist that you are fully qualified, with many of their staff having degrees in early years development. In spite of this, there have been recent high-profile cases of abuse within these establishments which makes some parents wary.

　　解读：第一句承接上一段，呼应开头段观点句预告的第二部分，论述幼儿园的好处，亦即自己的观点。第二句解释为什么认为幼儿园更好。第三句举例支撑前文。第四句反向论述。大家可结合前两段的分析方式，对照题目关键词，积累更多话题词汇。

　　In summary, although there are some issues involving trust, as long as parents vet each school properly, the high level of service provided by daycare professionals trumps that of unqualified family members.

　　解读：结尾段充分总结全文，没有泛泛而谈，而是使用trust、vet school properly、professionals、trump、unqualified等词汇概括、重申了主要观点。目标7+G友应关注结尾段的准确、全面总结和用词不重复。

　　来源：G类1对1