雅思Ｇ类大作文写作批改-休闲方式的动与静

　　雅思Ｇ类大作文写作批改-休闲方式的动与静   本文为大家整理分享一道会考到的写作题目，一起来看看这篇范例中有哪些不合适的地方需要修改，希望能帮到大家！2020年其它考区出现的一道G类大作文题目为：

　　Some people prefer to relax by doing physical activities, while others choose mental activities (crosswords, chess etc.). Discuss the both views and give your opinion.

　　本期，组长搬运eltecenglish类似题目范文批改过来，供大家积累ideas、examples和vocabulary。需要注意的是，上题mental activities后面括号里列举了cross words, chess，在写作中要注意呼应这一细节。用脑力活动来放松对一些人来说是好的，因为他们可以通过专注做某事而处于心流状态（mental flow），从而感到开心和放松。

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　　题目：Some people think that rest and sleep are the best methods to relax while others think that it can be done by involving in some activities like sports. Do you agree or disagree and give your view?

　　标记含义：括号内是需要修改的；​

　　In today’s （fast paced ）fast-paced world, people are under tremendous stress and relaxation plays an important role in total well-being of an individual. Many argue that sleeping and resting are the best ways to relax since （it rejuvenates）they rejuvinate our mind and（ improves） improve physical and mental health whereas, others argue that getting involved in sports is a better way to de-stress as it not only improves （your）fitness but also （make you） makes a person feel more （happier） happy (more和happier是表达重复) and relaxed. In my opinion, a balance between sleep and sport activities （are） is needed to maintain a sound mind and body.

　　译文：现在生活节奏快，人们压力很大，放松对个人健康很重要。很多人认为睡眠和休息是最佳休息方式，因为它们会让我们焕发活力，改善我们的体能和心理健康，但其他人认为参加体育锻炼时更好的减压方式，因为它既塑形又让人感觉开心和放松。我认为，人们需要平衡睡眠和体育活动来保持稳定的身心状态。

　　组长解析：这个开头段比较长，可以写得更简单，如：People have different preferences when it comes to the way of relaxation. In my opinion...

　　Undoubtedly, to deal with increasing stress, it is utmost important (词性错误，utmost 和important都是形容词，正确的搭配是utmost importance)to repose or take a nap. After a long tiresome day at a workplace, an individual （might） may not be in a state of doing anything and our his body and mind （demands） demand rest. （After resting adequately or） Sleeping for six to seven hours a day helps an individual to recharge for the next day and refreshes mind and repairs body. Moreover, ample sleep is essential for learning and for effective cognitive processes. For example, a study done by a Harvard Psychologist in 2015 revealed that （40%） percent of people who were diagnosed with depression or anxiety were （more） likely to sleep less than five hours a day and around 28 percent （were having） had (suffered from) (时态错误) cognitive impairment.

　　译文：毫无疑问，要应对不断增加的压力，休息或小睡是重要的。经过一整天的工作之后，一个人可能不想动，身心都需要休息。睡6-7个小时后就可以恢复精力和体力。此外，充足的睡眠对学习和有效的认知过程至关重要。例如，哈佛大学心理学家在2015年所做的一项研究表明，在抑郁症和焦虑症患者中，40%的人每天睡眠时间少于5小时，28％的人有过认知障碍。

　　组长解析：这段的论述不够完整，例子与分论点的关系不紧密。恰当的写法是：“此外，充足的睡眠对学习和有效的认知过程至关重要。哈佛大学的研究表明，睡眠少于5小时的成年人患认知障碍的概率要比普通人高40%，同时，睡眠少于同龄人的中小学生的学习表现相对不好。”

　　On the other hand, engaging in various sports activities will also help as to keep relaxed and fit. Whether you are playing sports, working out at a gym, or taking a brisk walk, physical activity triggers brain chemicals that make you feel happier and relaxed. In particular, team sports provide a chance to unwind and engage in a challenge that improves fitness and offers social （benefit） benefits such as connecting with team mates and friends, and （it even improves） they even improve concentration. For instance, a study done by an International Sport Scientist revealed that engaging in sports or exercises reduces the level of stress hormones in the body and it stimulates production of endorphins, which are natural mood lifters that can keep stress and depression at bay.

　　译文：另一方面，参加各种体育活动也将有助于保持放松和健康。无论是从事体育运动，在健身房锻炼身体还是快步走，体育锻炼都会促进让人快乐和放松的激素分泌。团队运动尤其可以让人放松，参与挑战可以提高身体素质并与队友和朋友建立联系，甚至可以提高专注力。例如，国际体育科学家所做的一项研究表明，从事运动或锻炼可降低体内压力激素的水平，并刺激内啡肽的产生，内啡肽是天然的情绪提升剂，可抵御压力和抑郁的侵袭。

　　To conclude, to cope up with the day to day （it even improves） work-related pressures and stress from society, a sufficient amount of rest and sleep is mandatory （inevitable）. However, sports also play a great role in controlling stress and can uplift （ones） one’s mood, so a healthy balance between sleep and sports activities are extremely important for a healthy mind and body.

　　译文：总之，为了应付工作压力和社会压力，充足的休息是必不可少的。但是，运动在控制压力和提振情绪方面也发挥重要作用。因此，睡眠和运动之间的平衡对身心健康至关重要。